The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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