took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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