just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
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Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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