The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
