I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
