Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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