it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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