call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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