Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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