He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
