sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
