I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
