ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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