how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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