My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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