My sheets look like a crime scene.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
