i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize