Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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