i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
