god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
