giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize