I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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