..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
