I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
