I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
