Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
