remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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