she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize