if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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