Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
PANTIES FOUND
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