literally had 100 drinks last night.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
