I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
