Where did you get a picture of my penis
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
