my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize