new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
