yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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