Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
