ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
