Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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