you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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