dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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