One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
