is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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