I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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