A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
