What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
