i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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