all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
