Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
