Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
