I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
