Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
