Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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