Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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