I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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