hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
