If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize