Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
