I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The uberlube is also flammable
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
