I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
