one might say we're banned from that church
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
