O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
