it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
