Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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