When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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