he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
