is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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