apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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