Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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