I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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