I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
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