Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
