Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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